Friday, October 16, 2009
Blogging for important reasons, for memories sake, for me to know that, in the past, how great my life have been.
I didn't feel anything at the start of the day, it's when really during the ceremony then i felt that we are really leaving each other..
I didn't feel any happiness even when i got 1st in class..
Sorry to those that are happy that i got first in class, i'm sorry for not being able to be happy, the happiness just can't erase my sadness of leaving everyone..
When the end comes, its a new beginning..
But why must it end in the first place?It took me 4 years and i finally opened myself to everyone,
start to know a lot of friends.
I started to change, changing from that old, selfish, self-centred me to a newly transformed me.
I just can't face the future positively, i have to enter a poly or jc.. probably alone..
It took me a really hard time to make such dear precious friends to me in these years.
Now it's like deleting a save data of a game when you are already that far.
Time can't turn back, there will be memories, but we can't get back to the way we used to be..
The start, what if it's a bad one for me? What if i get bullied in a new school?
Or if nobody helps me and i lock my feelings up in my new jc or poly?
I'm scared, again, like the first day i went to primary school, even secondary school..
I did have to change a bit to adjust to my secondary school life, what if i'm unable to cope with other changes?
What i really want ain't my grades, its for everyone to be together, is it like.. that hard?
I'm glad to have a lot of precious friends with me now, those that can accept me, my weird character, my amazing switch from quietness and noisyness at different times..
It took me tremendous courage to enter Nabil, Dylan and Rohan's group during sec 1, I'm afraid i won't fit in.. the future, my guiding light is fading away..
It is not the same anymore..
I don't think the jc/poly teachers would take care of me as well as the teachers do now..
I need support, both emotionally and psychologically.. Breaking down soon..
I'm crying.. Sad.. Memories.. Things are gone just when you're getting used to them..
Everything will fade away, like dust.. i can't stop them.. i just.. don't have the power to..
Without my friends.. nothing would be the same anymore..
I just wanna let those who are seeing these know that.. you all are very precious to me, supporting me in more ways than one.. that i wanna thank you all.. thank you!
I can't let go.. There's a problem with me.. It wasn't like that in primary school..
I have only a small amount of friends there, i even ran home to play maple during the day of collecting PSLE slip.
I think that is why this is dealing so much of a blow to me..
Why am i even crying when typing, i dunno.. but tears just flows down..
We can come back for some occasional gatherings.. but you sure we still can have a close relationship like now?...
There's still O levels, gala and our chalet!... Is what i'm trying to console myself with.. But it's..not..working.. The sadness just builds up...Crying silently, trying to not wake my parents up from their sleep...
I guess.. this is the real meaning of true friendship.. something that i really didn't have in the past... Making me lost, confused and in a dilemma.. Its not something my heart is adapted to.. I feel heart-torn.. All that becomes memories, i have bad memory skills, i cannot even remember who is my sec 1 co-form teacher.. It's sad.. "i'm missing something", is what i will say in the future, indicating the memories that i will forget about now.. It hurts more when u know u're missing something but u don't know what it is... I can't.. stop.. the tears..
I can continue crying all night long.. but i will stop now.. i will just show some pics which was taken today at the graduation ceremony.
/\ Some of my great guy friends who helped me alot and ms ng bak hong for teaching me great english!
/\ class 4E5 with our form teacher Mr irving ng, although not really close to everyone.. but the pain in my heart is still there..
/\ Huei Juin!.. Can't bully her in the future anymore.. It was like so fun calling her name instead if Ms Ku..
/\Us and physics teacher Mr lim meng tong.. His jokes.. can't forget about them..
/\ Our class and biology teacher Mr Alwin Njoo, he really helped our class a lot.. Only Ms chua, Huei juin, and mr njoo that i am able to really regard them as friends friends, not teachers.. They are like really close.. It.. i'm crying again...
The real world, one full of darkness, betrayal and backstabbing. One that everyone will step into.. Handling it would be my greatest problem..
Sorry, i mean i should be happy about graduating..
Everyone! work hard for O's okay? If fate allows, lets still meet each other in jc/poly.
Nothing will stop us now, we will strive hard.. maintain our goal..
Maybe i will go cycling randomly tomorrow, by the sea perhaps? To relieve some of my feelings.
I met you for four years, you had taken me out of my shell and is concern of me at times. I can't stand the thought of us not being able to see each other anymore.. You will have your life, i will have mine, if we are able to ever cross paths, lets hope that we would be happy together. .I'm trying very hard.. to get friendly with you again. .. Don't forget me, ever, will you? Please?? ..
Labels: A day full of sadness
Innocence
9:33 AM
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Hahaha.. Prelims over le, quite long le actually.. hahaha, lazy to blog only.
The grades ah.. not really good leh.. But ehm, i should really say i improved. XD
Those C.science, Bio, etc etc, i got B3 instead of those marks before that la.
Better than mid year's marks. Hahaha lucky!
But yeap, counted the L1R5, roughly like 17? Super high.. =_=..
Well, anyways, went to Changi Airport with begga today! Hahaha.
Well, what i can say that it is better than staying at home rotting and playing games.
Go there to study.. Not bad actually, quite nice to study.. maybe should go there study more.
BuT! What i can say is that i studied lesser den begga, whoa, she's amazing, can study non-stop de.
Ah, first time went out to study, quite fun la.
Memorable one la. Hahaha
Okay lah, ready to sleep liao good night!
Those three words i wanna say, such easy words, yet so hard to say.
Innocence
8:03 AM
Monday, September 07, 2009
Bahhh.. the 6 prelim tests were tough, 8 more i guess?..
Well i got a few problems nowadays.. Hahaha..
A problem caused by my character.
I thought i already changed my character but.. i guess my character still causes problems.
Great job YG, ur character makes enemies as well.
Yeah, the problem happened as i cannot draw the line to where my character ends.
I was just joking with shaun when.. *poof*..
I wasn't supposed to call joanne right..
It was meant as a joke. But i guess that was a bit overboard.
Anyways, i got him angry so i probably should say sorry.
But according to terms now i probably can't.
Haha. Great to be alive.
So i guess my mischievious character pulls me to deep problems..
Probably i should change, but perhaps its too late.
Bah, just go with the flow, spend every day as i usually do..
Haha, it won't solve anything to keep thinking about it.
And cheng yong! noticed something missing? >>
Muaha. i'm evil.
okay byez.
Come on, it was meant as a joke.
I would say i'm sorry but it seems that u are trying to attack me in a group or something.
I feel super unsafe u know?! Well, i guess thats what u wanted as a reaction..
But its not like icalled joanne to separate you two or something.
Seriously, i didn't harm u or anything.
Innocence
6:57 AM
Monday, August 31, 2009
Yo! Today is teacher's day! Did a lot of retarded things in class that i don't want to mention anymore, too retarded.. hahaha.
It was a success! I think.. At least the card that was given to irving ng looks nice.
Yesterday went to white sands, den with beixi's help we re-did the card! So that it looks nicer. 
/\Taken secretly.. as usual..
/\ I posted this photo because i look super handsome! Yeah yeah! Hahaha.
Oh yeah and actually i wanted to go back to loyang primary today de.. Actually jinho also wanted to go as well, but oh well, we didn't go.. hahaha.
A few years never see them liao.. Jinho became more handsome.. And that some other guy behind, i forgot his name.. He turned like super muscular! Woah a shock man..
Heh.. eh.. perhaps if i find the photos taken today i will post it later.. see my mood bah.. Hahaha.
Yeah thats it, byebye.
There's a difference between cowardy and cautious.
Innocence
12:34 AM
Friday, August 21, 2009
Another bad thing happened today, yeah English Oral.
It seems when my luck is bad, it only turns worse.
I wonder if i can have a change in my luck, guess i will have bad luck at that as well..
Well, today when in front of the examiners, i totally got stunned.
I stammered in all my speech with them..
Shit that man.
About handicapped people, i can only state a few problems as i didn't really analyse that beforehand..
Sadder than before, at least the O'levels chinese i have a second try, this EL oral i won't get another chance to go through it again..
Getting emotionally weak nowadays, i wonder why..
A lot of things happening nowadays, Happy,sad, brave,cowardy, well i can still be anything i want..
Oh yeah, and yesterday, MARO-MARO broke another leg, i was too careless.. Haiz.. now i lost the leg and cannot even super glue back like the other leg.
Well, it looks quite weird now.. But i guess its still okay..
See, so many sad things happening.. I am very vexed at a lot of things, changing back to my old self is very hard as well.
Haiz, guess the next post would be also a sad post as well. If its a happy post, it tells that my luck changed..
I kept saying i want to talk with you on the phone, but when times come i'm still scared.
Innocence
7:28 AM
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Well, i got my O levels chinese results..
Its a B3.
I don't know if its good or not, mostly everyone i know get B3.
Its worse for me to get stuck in the middle, if i got A, i would be happy, if i got B4 and lesser, i would cry. But now i'm stuck halfway each, my emotions very complex now.
I was quite happy, in fact i got higher than my midyear's and last year's paper..
But.. yeah.. i think i should retake another one, tiring yes.. TIRING..YES!!
At least i know my Chinese oral got distinction, that means i can still pull my grades up with my oral.
I should really buck up you know, start studying or something..
But when times come i just feel like lazing around doing nothing.
The chinese exam i personally feel that i'm taking it too lightly, i'm treating it as a common test that i can just fail and don't give a damn about it.
Thats what i'm feeling, i am not serious enough.
Thanks for those that consoled me today.. Although only 1.. =_=..
Yeah and begga ah, don't give up okay, still got one more chance.
I wanted to say it out today, but i failed.. oh shucks.. i'm such a failure.
Innocence
5:31 AM
Monday, August 17, 2009
Hahaha, very long never blog again..
Well, i yesterday went out to tampines, to buy charger!
For recently my ds charger failed on me, i went to comic connections, they selling it $36.
Woah like so expensive!
Then i went to tampines 1 instead, then i found one for $15, Like super cheap woh!
Hahaha.
And actually my sis wanted to bring me to bugis and far east plaza to buy clothes yesterday..
Then halfway super lazy, cause at tampines le mah.
So i bought some super cool new clothes! XDWoah but u know i didn't know the price of clothes were so expensive de ler..
But anyways, i at least got new clothes to wear woh.. Hahaha
Look quite cool if i must say so myself.
I have no fashion sense, so mostly all is my sis choose for me de. But most importantly i like also lar..
Hahaha, okay lar, all the new clothes is black and white, cos my sis say striking colours dun suit me well.
So, anyways, hahaha, i'm going to ryusei-no-taki falls in hokkaido during my birthday!
Muahahaha! Sooo fun. Whats exciting about ryusei-no-taki?
I dunno, i like it because it sounds like ryuusei no rockman!
Hahaha! Thats all good bye.
I wonder if i go with my own feelings and say it out, will anything bad happen?
Innocence
1:42 AM
/\ class 4E5 with our form teacher Mr irving ng, although not really close to everyone.. but the pain in my heart is still there..
/\Us and physics teacher Mr lim meng tong.. His jokes.. can't forget about them..